OCTODOG FRANKFURTER CONVERTER

$16.95 plus shipping and handling from Octodog, Inc., 30672 Munger, Livonia, Mich. 48154, fax: 734-943-6038, Internet: www.octodog.net

Suggested by Caya Jappinen of Issaquah, Wash.

The frankfurter, a.k.a. hot dog, has long been an American dietary staple -- a meal that is easy to prepare, and, at the same time, rich in chemicals.

The problem is that, after a while, the ''plain old'' hot dog can become boring. Until now, that is! Because now there is an amazing product, developed by leading frankfurter scientists, called the Octodog brand frankfurter converter. This is a cute device that converts a normal hot dog into a hot dog that looks sort of like an octopus, or some kind of mutant meat squid. Talk about fun! And it's simple to do: You simply place the Octodog device on the hot dog and slide it down via a process that is both easy and vaguely obscene.

This is a terrific gift idea for anybody on your list who yearns to turn processed pork or beef cylinders into marine-life-shaped cuisine. It is our understanding that top professional chefs such as Emeril order these babies by the gross. It is also our understanding that Meat Squid would be a good name for a rock band.

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