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Suggested by Patrick Mooney of Avon, Ind.
It is a well known fact, taught in all leading art schools, that everything looks better with flames on it. Archeologist now believe that many famous old arty things, such as the Parthenon, the Sphinx, the Pyramids, the Venus de Milo statue and the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, were originally enhanced by flames, which either wore off or got stolen by vandals, who put them on their horses to make them look faster.
Today, sadly, flames are rarely used as decorations, because most people think they are ''too much bother.'' But all that has changed thanks to the invention, by top California flame scientists, of these amazing ''Fast Flames.'' Thanks to the amazing power of magnetism -- which also cures arthritis -- you can attach these babies in minutes to any metal surface, except for those metal surfaces that are not attracted to magnetism.
One obvious place to put Fast Flames is on a car. Not only will they make any car more attractive, but also, because of their aerodynamic appearance, they will increase the car's top speed by nearly 25 miles per hour. This is why these flames have been specifically banned from the Indianapolis 500.
But Fast Flames are not just for cars. They also add a special ''look'' to office furniture such as filing cabinets -- a look that says: ''These filing cabinets are really moving!'' And we don't even want to think about what Fast Flames could do for a portable toilet! Seriously, we don't.