Published Sunday, Dec. 3, 2000 in The Miami Herald

Previous Page Back to the Dave Barry main page Next page


$4.95 plus shipping and handling from Deer Creek Products, 3038 NW 25th Ave., Pompano Beach, Fla. 33069, 954-978-0597. Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.

Suggested by Arthur Wm. Ritter of Midlothian, Va.
Above, a plump person tries out the fat-reducing ring. Below, the results are incredible. Wearing a Fat-Be-Gone ring, you'll look and feel like a whole different person.

For far too long, so-called ''medical experts'' have been spreading the myth that the way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more. When are they going to get out of the ''Dark Ages'' and realize that the REAL secret to weight loss is: Wearing a ring.

At this point you're probably saying, ''Wait a minute! That sounds too easy! There must be a 'catch,' right?''

Yes, there is. It is absurd to think you can lose weight merely by wearing a ring. That makes no sense! The scientific fact is: You must wear the ring on the correct finger. We know this is true because it says so right in the catalog from which we ordered this incredible fat-reducing ring. Here is a direct quotation, written by somebody who clearly is not about to be intimidated by the so-called ''rules of grammar'':

''Japanese believe that by applying pressure on a particular finger, you can loose weight in a specific area. Each pressure point works to control a different area in your body. Thumb is for face, index finger is for hips, middle finger is for buttocks, ring finger is for stomach and pinky is for thighs.''

Whoa! Talk about a simple and logical solution that has been staring us in the face all along! We're sure you'll want to buy a fat-reducing ring for yourself and everybody on your gift list who needs a cheerful holiday reminder that he or she is a bucket of lard. Remember: The cast members of Friends wear these rings on virtually every digit they possess.

Previous Page Back to the main Dave Barry page Next page